April 25, 2018

If you fucking wanted a maid in the first place you could have just hired one. Why would you even think of having a fucking baby when you only wanted it to return the favors that you gave it. the heck if you just wanted someone to boss around, go build a fucking company and be the boss of it. You just wanted someone to follow you around, to shout at when you want to, to be angry at if you have mistakes, to make the decisions for you. The heck I never signed up for this job nor have I wished to be born. Why the heck am I paying debts I never remembered owing, why am I paying for favors I never remembered begging, why am I paying for being alive,  when I never remembered wishing for it. Why was I given parents who never understands, why am I given parents who always quarrel and ends up with us getting caught on the crossfire. If ever we would choose who to side on, I bet I won't choose anyone. Because whichever I choose would be worse than the other. And they say we are the perfect family? Hah! Not a tiny bit. We are a ruined family who is just good at covering our traces. A fake, that's what we are, a fake

Null

Lately I have accepted that my feelings will not be reciprocated
I knew that later on I will be able to move on with everything, since in the first place it was just a petty crush. But then, learning that he too had feelings for me made my mind be in a total confusion. Why now? How? When? And the biggest question was... Is it really real? Or am I just a substitute?

too many questions are now running in my head, many unanswered riddles that keep on repeating. I admit I am scared of the truth, i don't even know why I am scared but I truly am. I don't even know how to face each of them. But they just keep on dominating my head, one time I feel butterflies but in the next, I feel guilt then be afraid. These are really driving me crazy.