what i feel

I hate her..
WHen she blames me for things i didn't do
when she shows her love only when she needs something
when she points me at all my flaws
when she never notices my achievements
when she denies my very existence
when she never listens to my problems
when she points out that i am no one
when she accuses me of being a slut
when she pushes me down when i stumble
when she never thought of what i would feel
when she glares at me for portraying my feelings
when she never cared for me at all
when she tells me she loves me only in front of others
when she makes me regret i ever lived

i hate her...
i despise her...
i blame her...
i have attempted suicide many times...
i have thought of life without me
i have thought of possible ways to die peacefully
i have wished many deaths
i have begged to be freed from misery
i have hoped for my ending many times
for the very person who should be my comfort and strength is the very person who pushed me further down to this miserable life without batting an eye..

now i am waiting for the perfect time to ask her one thing
"when i die, will you be mourning?"