All along I have thought that my connection with my siblings may be shaky but strong hence I am dumbfounded when I learned I was never part of their plan all along.
Here I am planning ahead future where I would just see them a few feet away and then I learned I was never present in theirs. I did not know that I am making my youngest feel abandoned, understandably I have felt that with him lately as well. But the feeling of being questioned how my sincerity was a huge arrow to my core.
It makes me cry thinking that all this time I am the one being delusional that anytime now my siblings would just go away without warning leaving me with my fantasies. Then this made me realize, I am just alone. What an irony it is, I tend to work alone but I am scared of being left alone.
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