my feelings

I thought every thing had changed, I thought I have someone to lean on now, I thought I was part of something extravagant. Then I have concluded, everything was just imaginary, all those moments were just illusions, you were just faking it.

Now I have proven, there are only two types of people around me, those people that never cares for you and shows it through their actions towards you. Then there are those people that only sees you as a benefit, they treat you good as long as they want and when they have achieved their goals. They treat you as trash.

I was really disappointed at the outcome of that friendship. I thought it was getting good and it's real, then I found out the true colors behind that fucking mask they wear on the outside. That bad habit of mine to accept people by who they are, in the end I end up hurting and crying because I was deceived and unexpectedly by someone who is too close to me. I thought they treasured me, that when they feel bad I would comfort them because when I am in need, they too would comfort me. But now when I need it most, they are nowhere to be found.

Seriously... do I have to go back to being the cold and loner me to avoid hurting this bad. Why can't any brain functioning being understand that I have had enough of this pain. This unpredictable pain that has no cure. Why can't they understand a simple request. That if they are just about to hurt me, then they should better yet leave me.

Should I just hang a sign that says "I've been hurt enough" so those pesky homo-erectus would just leave me be. Those brain damaged beings that keep walking on earth. Unable to identify anything except their own feelings.

I am disappointed and embarrassed to say that they have we are the same species. I feel awful to belong to the same air and universe as these beings.

Wow! what a surprise

I was disappointed, I feel abandoned. It was an unexpected turn of events. I thought I could trust in your words. I thought you were a man in your words. I felt like I was a fool waiting for you. I felt like I can't trust you enough to believe you.

It's hard on my part, I thought at the end there is your words that gives me strength. That you won't leave me hanging like the others do. I thought I can hang on to you when I need strength. That your words is enough to make me secure.

Alas, in the end. I expected too much, I believed easily, I trusted blindly. In the end, I am alone, barely making it to the day, barely even alive. Now you have robbed me of everything, my strength, my pride, my heart, my respect and now, my trust.

I am not angry at you, I am angry at myself. How could I have forgot. I was never the outgoing type, I was never the group member. I was never involved at a pair. I was always the one, the extra. Someone you see when you need it. Someone like me should not exist.

See? I am not angry, just disappointed. CONGRATULATIONS!! You have just broken my trust to you.

empty

they said that what you draw, compose or write is the exact mirror of what you feel, then how come now I feel empty but am still able to write words, phrases, or excerpt. How am I still able to voice out poems and excerpt to my friends when inside, I am hollow and barren.

These feelings that sleep within me, makes me rile up in emotions, fake as it seems but how can I explain, when in the end it's already the last game.

My dream of him

I am trying to forget him, but why is he in my dream? I was trying to get over him, but he keeps appearing on my dreams. It's difficult to forget, cause when I wake up, I always see. The extent of my liking him. Oh how hard it is to be me.

I keep questioning myself, why him? I know I have got no chances but my heart won't listen. I know that I am too naive to expect outcomes in the reality just like in my dreams but it's hard to teach your heart to behave when the time comes. I know that I am just hurting myself with what I am doing, specially when I know he doesn't share the same feelings with me.

I know that this is hard and my stupidity does run in my veins but hoping for the best, even if I know it's not worth it.