Crying

I live my life trying to interpret all of my bottled up feelings. Being compared to other people, discriminating me, not being able to understand when in fact they are my blood. Not being able to see how I am trying my best just to keep up this facade I call life. When in fact I am a lifeless shell just remote controlled to move..

I am not perfect, I am trying to be but will never be. I cry silently in my room to avoid unnecessary questions that will never have the right answer. You always misunderstand everything I say, You ask what you should do to keep up with me, but all I can answer is silence. Then you get angry, then what if I ask you if you could kill me to shorten my life, for me to be happy, what if I ask you to kill me, will that silence you? Will you do that to me? Cause honestly I am really tired and fed up with breathing but not living. No. I was never alive in the beginning. 

If I ask you, you would still not listen, If I shout, you would never hear. Nothing seemed right for me, Now living almost 20 years of worthless existence, I always come up with strange thoughts, thoughts which can solve my miserable life. But in the end, I can never have the courage to stroke my pulse with that sharp end. 

I am a coward, I hide cause I could never solve anything. I have these problems bottled up inside, but do you have any idea? NO.. There you are, laughing like you got nothing to lose.