November 25, 2017

I wake up trying to be the perfect daughter expected of me,
I did the laundry till my fingers earned wounds cause you can't,
I cooked double time while doing the laundry cause you went out,
I come and go to tend my dog who keeps on barking at people when you are there near her,
I hang the clothes I washed while going up and down the stairs to answer your every chore,

All those things I did in one day while I am still feeling feverish, then my sister came home, joked a little, chatted a little then went inside the room to sleep,

At dinner,
I cooked rice while trying to cook stew cause my sister was still busy with her phone,
Then with me cooking dinner it was supposed to be my sisters turn to do the dishes but she was asleep,
Instead of reprimanding her, you shout at me, curse at me, make me look disgusting in front of visitors. Telling me I did nothing the whole day.

For the love of something sane, wake up! Your favoritism is really obvious there. If my sister feels sick, you let her rest in the air conditioned room, while if I get sick, I try sleeping in my not so comfortable room while you try waking me up cause you can't find this, you can't find that and what ever things you want me to do.

If I mumble things you think I have talked back at you, But if my sister mumble things you think that it was just funny and laugh it all while jokingly teasing her?

You know where this leads? I think I am a bloody masochist for staying alive in this family. Yet still here I am expecting that maybe later you'd come into my room and let me for once feel you really appreciate my presence in this family, cause I am starting to doubt it. To think that the people who was supposed to make me feel safe and sound are one of the people who are making me feel like shit and is unimportant.

Makes me wish that when I was cutting myself at high school, I wish I had cut a vein there, or when a small fire exploded from our stove, I wish I was enveloped in it, or when I fell of a jeepney, I wish I was ran over by it. Gosh.. I really am pathetic.